


Magazine Coupons

by orphan_account



Series: Arnold/Coupons (crack ship) [1]
Category: Epithet Erased (Cartoon)
Genre: Arnold and Bugsy are boyfs but it’s only mentioned, Arnold fucks fake coupons, Masturbation, NSFW, Other, Porn, crack ship, he doesn’t fuck the real ones to preserve their worth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:22:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21799819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Arnold gets his monthly magazine stack and goes to his room to find and cut all the coupons up so nicely, he finds out a few are fake and decides to...Teach the inanimate objects a ‘lesson’ for being fake.
Relationships: Arnold Markdown/Bugsy Pugsler, Arnold Markdown/Coupons
Series: Arnold/Coupons (crack ship) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1570879
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	Magazine Coupons

**Author's Note:**

> ❗️SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 6 OF EPITHET ERASED❗️
> 
> bls don’t yeet me

“ARNOLD! YOUR STUPID MONTHLY COUPON BULLSHIT JUST CAME THROUGH THE LETTERBOX!”

“IT’S NOT STUPID, YOU IDIOT!”

Arnold huffed angrily, storming out of the living room and walking into his larger housemate in the hallway, who was holding his five or so magazines from different stores.

Arnold stumbled back after bumping into his tall friend, glaring up at him and snatching his magazines off the overweight man.

“Do _not_ interrupt me this time or I’ll slap a seventy percent off on you!”

He weakly pushed past the man to get to his room, slamming the door shut after entering.

He placed the magazines carefully onto his immaculate white desk.

He took a deep breath and sighed, leaning over his desk to close the curtains. He didn’t like the natural light on his precious coupons, he couldn’t cut them out properly with the strong light.

The barcode haired man sat down on his leather swivel chair and went into his drawer, grabbing a ruler and a razor blade.

He found that scissors were too harsh on the thin plastic coated paper, and knives weren’t as accurate as scissors. So, naturally, he turned to something a lot more sharper and smaller.

He placed the ruler and the blade beside the magazines, picking one of them up and skimming over the cover.

He began to flick through the magazine, scanning every image for some sort of deal.

He found his first coupon; ‘ **SAVE $100 ON ALL TECHNOLOGY OVER $500** \- _expires 13/6/20_ ’ and he absolutely _lost it_ , a wide smile across his face.

‘ _What an amazing offer_!’ He thought, ‘ _It’s almost impossible to get such a good deal! Especially on tech!_ ’.

He turned his lamp on, directing the light on the cutting mat at the edge of his desk. He carefully ripped the page out and laid it on the mat.

He took his ruler and lined it up with the dotted line on one of the edges.

He sat back and looked at the setup. He was already sweating. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with the his sleeve of his muted green turtleneck.

He took a deep breath and rolled his sleeves up to his elbows.

“Okay...” He sighed out, feeling his ears get hot from how nervous he was, “It’s just like all the other times...”

He leaned forward, licking his lips and grabbing the blade, checking that the ruler was exactly on the dotted line.

He began to slowly and carefully cut along the outer side, scrunching his nose in attempt to push his glasses back up his nose.

He sighed in relief as he finished cutting the first edge, closing his eyes for a few seconds before moving on to cut the other edges.

Once he was finished cutting the other edges, he picked up the clean edged coupon and placed it at the back edge of his desk.

He then continued his journey of scanning through the pages, tearing a page that has a coupon out, cutting that coupon out and putting it at the edge of the desk, on top of the other ones.

He finished his collecting after around three hours, ending up with at least one hundred and eighty five—he may have lost count a little.

He began to look over every single coupon, checking it’s validity, it’s expiry date, what store it was for, etcetera.

Unluckily for him, around a seventy of them were fake.

He was incredibly pissed, how _dare_ these people make him think he was getting _so many_ coupons!

He turned his lamp off and looked around the room. He then focussed on listening for a moment; he could hear his partner rummaging through some stuff.

He took that as his chance to have a bit more alone time, he’d been left along for hours so why would Bugsy suddenly barge in while he was doing his thing?

He made things hard for himself by not standing up, groaning to himself as he shuffled his jeans down.

It may have helped if he’d undone his belt, but he couldn’t care at this point in time, he wanted to get this over and done with as quickly as possible. At least, that’s what he told himself.

He slid his boxers down, which was a lot easier to do than his jeans, and sat there for a moment, staring at his dick.

He could feel his face going red hot. Was he gay for himself _and_ his boyfriend? Probably.

He hook his head gently and grabbed the pile of fake coupons roughly, gripping them tightly in his fist.

He held them up to his face, speaking—a lot more like whispering—through gritted teeth.

“You little sluts... I’ll teach you to lie to me...!”

He unclenched his first and flattened the coupons, then wrapping them around his dick and quickly starting to jerk himself off.

He would’ve started off slow but he was so stressed out from Bugsy taking the piss about his ‘coupon kink’ that was a ‘buy one, get one free’.

 _Was_ he gay for coupons though? Of course he was.

He got himself lost in thought, thinking about all the things that had happened over the past few days, not just with Bugsy, but with a few other annoying folk as well.

He leaned himself back in the chair and bit his lip, getting a bit faster as his thoughts raged on.

He was pulled out of these thoughts by a sharp pinch on his cock, making him hiss in pain.

He’d given himself, not only friction burn but also a paper cut from going so fast.

“Oh, fuck you, you little bitches~...”

He smirked slightly, squeezing his erection as he spoke to the inanimate objects.

He had waited a few before jerking himself off again, going just a bit slower than he started.

He began to think about his boyfriend; what if he came in? I mean, of course, he masturbated in front of him from time to time, and sometimes they’d do it together, hell, sometimes they fucked.

But Arnold didn’t feel comfortable doing anything to himself in front of others, no matter what it was. Especially if he was doing it in front of his lover.

He was once more brought out of his thoughts, this time by him absentmindedly edging himself.

He closed his eyes tightly and gritted his teeth, whimpering softly.

He leaned forward and pressed his head against his desk, edging himself a few more times before letting his orgasm build up.

He was right there, he was about to cum, he just had to hit the right spot-.

“ARNOLD! ARE YOU FUCKING PAPER?!”

He stopped himself, whining quietly to himself before turning his head to glance at a _pretty_ proud Bugsy.

“GET THE FUCK OUT, I TOLD YOU NOT TO INTERRUPT ME!”.


End file.
